Higgins in “My Fair Lady” was furious about people saying “im” instead of “him” and “Ampshire” instead of “Hampshire”.
Hear them down in Soho square
Dropping “h’s” everywhere
Speaking English anyway they like.
Catullus depicts the reverse situation: a certain
Arrius used to add an extra “h” to the words starting with a vowel, which apparently scratched the ears of everyone around.
When Arrius left for Syria, everyone’s ears “rested”. Although a piece of news came: autochtones in Syria started saying “Hionic” instead of “Ionic”.
Chommoda dicebat, si quando commoda vellet
dicere, et insidias Arrius hinsidias.
et tum mirifice sperabat se esse locutum,
cum quantum poterat dixerat hinsidias.
Credo, sic mater, sic liber avunculus eius,
sic maternus avus dixerat atque avia.
Hoc misso in Syriam requierant omnibus aures:
audibant eadem haec leniter et leviter,
nec sibi postilla metuebant talia verba,
cum subito affertur nuntius horribilis,
Ionios fluctus, postquam illuc Arrius isset,
iam non Ionios esse sed Hionios.
First published in the Levinarium Telegram Channel (now closed and deleted)